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CRITTER · 12-26-2007, 07:05 PM

Hey Robbo
Welcome! I can only imagine the bs you're enduring & the mega depression & anger I can def relate to. I'm a former singer, among other things & now I'm a nobody, isolated and faced with the rest of my life ahead of me, unable to do any of the things I'd formerly loved. I 've had to fight long & hard to yank myself outta the pit cuz I've often yearned for the mindless oblivion of death. Peace. BUT I keep thinking about the fact that there's a reason we're all here, God knows every single one of us and I wanna have the op to know life without illness, pain & suffering & only thru God can I get there. Maybe not in this life....but later...and it's HARD to keep that long term perspective for sure! I'm not a good person, I'm a stumbling bumbler seeking other avenues, those limited little alleyways that hold the miniscule options available to those of us who have had the rug pulled out from under us...but I know they're out there. I've known people who truly felt complete & happy with their lives who live under so much much worse circumstances than I. It's almost a kind of challenge to me to determine that secret of their happiness in the face of seemingly insurmountable bullshi* they face daily!
But the anger & bitterness have begun to fade as I've determined that if I'm gonna keep on livin', I gotta find enlightenment and aim toward something attainable.
I guess every single one of us that gets dropped on their ***** can relate to all the stages ya go thru and a lot of us have wanted to chuck it. I'm never gonna be happy about being forced to give up all my former dreams, nobody is...but if I'm gonna keep livin' I gotta find other pursuits and put my whole self into them. We got no other choice....and amazingly, on the way...IF we allow ourselves to enjoy the journey & cast off the yearnings for what can no longer be, we really can find a whole other side to life & to ourselves that we never touched base with before. I know I sure have & I sure do know myself a lot better now....and self-discovery can be horrible & painful and awesome & wonderful....weird ain't it, how we don't know ourselves like we think we do, til we're faced with adversity & can test our mettle. Alot of the stuff I always "meant to do" I'm doin' now. I'm into pro-life causes, animal causes, doing a lot more article writing....I'm never gonna quit missing a lotta the s*** I love doin' but I'm tryin' to make the most of what I got dealt now. Some days it suxx so bad I go ballistic....but if I start dwellin' on s*** all I'm gonna do is get toxic and angry and I hate feelin' that way, I've felt that way far too long & it's a h*** of a lot better to zen out & discover yer other skills & talents & work on 'em. Ultimately, short of death, what other choice is there?
I can tell yer miserable & angry & frustrated & you have every right to be....I don't know how your programs work in Au. but if there are options, even remote ones for you I hope you pursue them cuz once ya get to networkin' with people you might chance upon some other avenues of help for you. Can you not qualify for disability? Any chance you can get a second opinion? Sounds like if yer doc thinks ya shoulda healed long ago, maybe you've got a lot more goin on with this than meets his eye. Don't lose all hope & don't be thinkin of suicide man. I have a progressive immune system disease and it's gonna kill me eventually but not til it attacks all my parts one by one and it'll be slow & it's sucking big time. I'm isolated....the puter's my world & my social life now....where I used to be out & about, livin life, singin, workin, jammin. But I ain't gonna give up hope, not yet anyway.... Every one of us here has had to face the fact that life as we knew it is over, but that don't mean LIFE is over, it just means ya gonna hafta come up with some real creative ways of doin s***! Stick around here & we can all compare notes....and don't beatcherself up...there's gonna be days when ya feel like knockin some heads in & days when ya wanna just roll up & be a fetus...but them days in between, them's the ones ya gotta fill with livin...and you'll get there butcha gotta wanna.
Doctors sure as h*** ain't always right and one thing you gotta remember is that God created us & He can fix us. Turn it over to Him and ask Him for healing & an attitude adjustment....I need ta ask for 'tude adjustments DAILY! Lolol! Like Andy Dufrain said, in "The Shawshank Redemption" ..."It's get busy livin' or get busy dyin"
Choose the former, Robbo & keep on keepin on....Yer somebody I'd like to know.
I'm keepin ya in my prayers.
love
Critter
P.S. I used to hit the road occasionally with some of my Uncles who drove long haul...gets in yer blood I reckon.....I used to have a 69 Chevy pickup, 283 4-barrel, dual exhaust, stepside, shortbox....put in a killer Pioneer stereo with 6 X 9 triax in the doors & 2 more behind me & a woofer in between, 'bout blew the doors off! Lol! Now my eyes are shot (my auto-immune disease attacked 'em) (my bod'z a traitor!) & lost my license to drive over 10 years ago & I misss it big time! That free feelin' on the open road, tunes cranked....feet on the dash, cruise control set....borrrrn to be willlllld! Lol!
Who are yer fave bands?
My top faves are Pink Floyd, Bjork, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Van Halen, Metallica, Alice Cooper, Steve Earle, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, The Cars, U2, UB40, Queen, Steely Dan, ZZ Top, Joe Satriani, Yngwie Malmsteen, Tom Petty, Enya, Leonard Cohen, tonz more...I guess I'm pretty eclectic in my music, I like a little of everything. I love a lotta oldies from the 60's thru the 80's. I still am a hard-core-die-hard-fan of the licks of Eddie Van Halen and I gotta get my Floyd Fix every day or I suffer! Lol!