i am becoming non-compliant with my own med schedule. Only the daytime Neurontin really, because if i have so much as a weak beer it whips my buttttt. Buttt, i know b***dy well that i should take the Neurontin and skip the beer.

Well WHAT EVVVVVERRRR.

This morning it was mild racing thoughts after the nighttime N could no longer be felt, irritation but with melcancholic mood.

now my partents interuppedted me liek i don't know how many times while i was pm'ing an old friend remember RavensWing???? and i just could not get up and down the dang screen and gd it i just started biting their heads of both psychomotor agitation, spewing anger still.

i just took 10mg Zyprexa and told the parents i might not have dinner. (that's if the Z knocks me out but i didn't tell them i took it or they will get all frlippy outty about my having gonne off depakote which i have my own gd reasons for which i do not care to share and that s that.) but by looks of it the Z won't knock me out. i took a lorazepam for immediacy ha ha ha haha like "can't touch this" ha ha ha ha. groan. will take a stupid Neurontin too, sposed to take 300/300 during daytime tho less is fine right now since the depakote is long gone and also the Zoloft is much lowerrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Why do they have to be so loud.

why can't they turn of the fking ketttle before it screams simultaneously in eighteen different pitches only audible to me and dogs.

they gave me wonderfull christmas presents.

why do i have to be such a fkface.

why do i have to exist.

why are my feet wiggling nonstop.

why cant she stop whistling and tra la la ing

why can't i enjoy it, while it is still there to be enjoyed.

now the dang computer with the bad noisy power supply fan which i kept saying i'd replace but i think we need a new ps and they fight me every mention...

why fight fight fight fight
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghghghghg

why can't they TELL that when i am LOOKING at my gd SCREEN and TYPING that it means that

YESS I AM FKING BUSY

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFCCCKKK.

oh and the three (as opposed to one or my max of 2) beers i could feel them but didn't seem to do squat much at first hard to walk a straight line byut seemed to evaporate within half an hour my body musta hyperbolized it insteada metabolized it.... not long after i got home and first albeit innocent but intrusive interruption got me going and went down hill from there.

read the long F line again and read through the lines. and the letters. yeah. whatEVERRRR.

~ waves ~ wringing her brain ringing with angrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr agitation oh no now one has drawn furniture creations all day and now shows it to the other oen and now fight.

I am breathing fire. there they go... fight. its to f'ing cold to go outside dddrdmmm i want a cigarette not really but o helll i'm stuck here i freakin gonna take freakin drawerful of freakin knockers outters

gonna have to see pdoc to get another stupid auth for Z - it's "special" so you need an auth but i have enough for now. hope just for today i was losing weight sht.

volume risingggggggggggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. i will screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam soon.

~ waves ~ writhing