Originally Posted by steash

i feel really strange at the moment. its now boxing day over here, my first Christmas without dad,and .. i don't know...i'm not as heartbroken as i thought i would have been. maybe it's because i have my little daughter to distract me, and trust me she has, but i really thought this would be a hard day.
i don't mean today has been easy,i have had my moments, but.... it's just not hit me as hard as i thought it would.
i have found over the last month or so that i really feel my dad is with my big brother, he was 5 when he died and for me in my own thoughts he is still that age, and i have found a huge amount of comfort in Craig as a little boy finding his dad again. i know i have mentioned that before but it was more of a protective shield rather than my true heartfelt feelings..

right now "new year" i think is the point when it will hit me..
although new years day isn't the first for me, it will be the ninth... then.. i think i just might hit the brick wall..
sorry for such a strange post it's just such a strange, numb feeling.
tc steash