I had some of the same thoughts you're now having. It's really like a death we're mourning-our old life. People (family) don't want to hear how you hurt because they can't see anything wrong with you. How about sitting on your *** for 2-3 years, that should tell someone what you're feeling, how bad you're hurting and afraid to do anything-even vacuum because of the pain you know you will have later. I've been through all the surgeries (except rib resection on my right side, they took my rib out on the left side and sent me home the SAME DAY, I live alone, and do not want to ever go back to that kind of pain. and now WC wants me to get a job using my hands and start the whole cycle all over again...I know I can't do that but am at a loss as to how to convince them of that. TOS is a long hard journey. Good Luck.