Hi kmeb:

I think it's all in how you approach the doctor. I'm obviously my husband's advocate. I simply am. He could never be my advocate. Never in a million years. He wouldn't know the questions to ask or how to interpret them. He's not a communicator.

As a matter of fact, when I used to go with Alan on his appointments to see Dr. Fred, both doctors at that practice would direct many of the questions and explanations to me. I knew how to ask a question (with respect and not a know it all attitude). I mean, I didn't know anything so there couldn't be any know it all attitude but I have seen people in the other rooms demanding this and howling at the doctors and I would know not to behave like that (you'd be amazed at how some people act in their doctor's office).

One time the doctor was examing his lower extremities and I asked a question about Peripheral Vascular disease. He was impressed that I even knew what this was. But the best was when they were giving him a carotid doppler and the doctor looks at me and says "Melody, explain to Alan what we are doing". I laughed out loud, and Alan said "yeah, I know, she's good" This was last year and thankfully his doctor is a sweetheart and appreciates that Alan follows his program of good healthy eating and does what he can to maintain whatever health he has left.

I see it all the time. You go to a doctor's office and they say "you know you have to lose weight, you weigh 300 lbs and the patient goes "oh, but I can't give up my meat and potatoes and the doctor just sighs".

Alan and I have learned that this way of thinking and acting doesn't accomplish anything. A doctor has to know that you are following his advice and he appreciates it more if you do this. We've learned this because we've seen SO MANY DOCTORS.

You learn as you go. I think it depends on the personality of the physician and how the patient (and his advocate) come across in the examining room.

It brings back a memory of when, years ago, I was in my previous primary physician's office because I had a pain in my arm.

I'd been going to this guy for 13 or more years. A very good doctor. He examined my arm and I looked at him and I said "how do you know I don't have Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis"? The look on his face was absolutely priceless. He said "How on earth do you even know how to pronounce that??" I said 'never mind, how do you know I don't have it??" He started to laugh and he made me move my arm a certain way and he asked me questions and said 'See, if you can do this, and you can't do that, well, believe me, you don't have ALS". I used to be the kind of person (I probably still am), that if I have a stupid symptom, I immediately think I have this disease or that disease.

Believe me, over the years I've learned what to say and what not to say in the examining room.

I'll tell you this though. Some people should never have become physicians. They have the beside manner of a goat. Met lots of goats in my time.

Thankfully though, not in the past year.