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She said something that made a lot of sense, which I wrote down as soon as I got off the phone. Friends and family leave memories not to forget about them. It is the opposite of feeling in love, it aches and you cannot even 'hold' it. It is there but hiding. There is no drug in the world to make the pain go away. I need to find the strength inside me. Let the pain take hold of me for a while, then gently take care of myself.
Sounds easy. So today in honor of my mom's memory I tried to recreate what we'd be doing on NY day. She always said we couldn't eat anything that "scratched" because it would be a year of bad luck. I have never figured this one out but we always had loin of pork and sauerkraut. I didn't have any loin of pork so I made hot dogs and sauerkraut. The smell is all over my house and it's one memory that I'm enjoying today. Thanks for that memory mom.
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Dear BJ,
It is great to see you.
Your pdoc is good.
I worked once with a guy who had lost lots of people in his life. He told colleagues that he dealt with it by knowing that they had not left him early, but had lived exactly the right amount of time they they were supposed to. (He probably said it better than I did.) He had worked it out to comfort himself somehow.
I like thinking about cooking and having memories of your mother. This is a good thing.
Your mother left you great gifts if you have these kinds of fond memories of her that you are recreating.
M.