SM-- I've definately heard about your horriffic childhood and you and P are definately nothing shy of heroic making it thru that. No children should have to endure what you did.

I cant say that my childhood was as horriffic, but I was constantly told I was fat, ugly, and stupid (by my dad's sisters and parents). Three things I was not but I believed it and became those things. I was just different than my 'perfect in every way' sister.

I have a lot of anxiety from the comments made by those people-- and my parents never protected me because my grandparents often times came to my parents' rescue when they were in need. So they gambled my emotional well-being for material well-being.

Worrying about the consequences of my actions or possibilities of tragedy is a huge problem for me. When Aaron was diagnosed, I knew it was all my fault. Eventhough I took precautions before all our kids were born, to make sure that our kids didnt have vaccine induced autism.

But I built the house while pg with him and he was given augmentin-- so naturally, I took the blame for it all. Despite that everyone else said I couldnt have controlled it.

I have had 2 cycles of greif. Before and after his dx.

I worry all the time that Im going to die and that my husband will have to do this all alone and that the kids wont have a mommy.

My new job offers benefits. Im going to take full advantage of them as soon as I get them-- (in about 60 days).

Im not much into medicating my problems, but its starting to get rediculous and I want to make sure there isnt anything else wrong.