Dolphin,
You & your husband might consider going to grief counseling so you can maybe atleast compromise on alot of things dealing with this grief you are going thru.

My husband & I just lost one of the 2 grandson's we raised from the age of 10 yrs old this past October. He was to be 22 in Nov. We both are dealing with that grief differently. Jack raised Ron & Michael on his own the first 18 months or so. Then we met & I took them on as my own children when we married. He is more like your husband in this respect, he doesn't talk about Ron at all. But we do deal with it as we are going thru court proceedings because he was a hit & run by a woman driving while intoxicated double the legal limit. So there are issues. And it has affected our relationship too. Then on Dec 10th we almost lost my daughter due to Pulmonary Embolisms. She is only 30 yrs old, & they were due to BC pills she was taking to control endometriosis. So that really hit me hard. I haven't quite been myself since then either. And neither has my daughter. Ron's death hit her hard also as they were as brother & sister. And now she almost lost her own life. We are really messed up around here. And I didn't mean for this to become long winded as I have no idea how it feels to loose an infant, but I now do know how it feels to loose a child you think of as your own child, that you raised as if your very own for many years. And then how close I came again within a few months of going thru that intense pain again..........it hurts, it is a nightmare(Ron's death) you have seen others go thru never imagining that you would get the nightmare phone call, or that
in a few months you would hear in the same ER how close you came to loosing another child. Well events change us & we are about to check into grief counseling ourselves. So thought perhaps this might be something you haven't thought of doing. Even if your husband won't go, you could still go for yourself. It is ourselves we must help before we can help anyone else.

Hoping this next year brings happier events for you & your family.

DebbyV