Dear Friends,

I have been feeling "down" for a few days now, with only an occasional "up" cycle to normalcy. Because of the concentrated and psychically difficult job of cleaning out my girlfriend's apartment within two months, I had been taking meds intended for other-than-depression to get me through. Now that that task is finished, I am trying to wean myself off the other meds and back to my usual regimen. It has not been going well. Yesterday and today, I was feeling so bleak that I just gave up and took the other meds as usual.

I have actually been considering taking my shrink up on the suggestion to increase my anti-depressant, (Lexapro), even though this is the first anti-depressant that worked for me at normal dosages and with tolerable side effects. I well remember the sexual neutering effect of overdosage of SSRIs but my current regimen is producing the same effect anyway.

I wrote to my girlfriend's mother yesterday in response to a telephone call that she made to me, recalling all the effort that my girlfriend and I had put into planning a program to fix her medical/psychological problems. So many hours and days; so many trips to medical centers; so much internet research; - so many successes! And all culminating in her death. It is crushing.

Thanks for listening and for your supportive responses. I know well that time is the only real cure for my trouble but it is comforting to know that there are compassionate people around who understand.

I read posts here by people in my frame of mind, or worse, who have no one around to support them. That is nightmarish beyond comprehension. I do have people here who love or care for me, thank god!

Thanks,