Dear Highhatsize,
I dearly hope that you are not dealing with guilt right now.
I would imagine that it is terribly destructive. I don't know how to talk someone out of guilt, so I won't. But maybe you can talk yourself out of it.

Your mental resources and research ability are a talent that you were able to give to your friend. All of that is good. You did that out of love and concern for her.
And you gave of yourself.

Mourn. Be sad. Hope that time is not neutral but healing.

I remember your posting about a friend in April. Is she the same person as the one in this post when you asked about meds and surgery?


That you have people around you who love / care for you is wonderful indeed. Let them help you. Ask for help.

M.