Having an ADD 10th grader myself i totally sympathize.

wine can be a really good thing sometimes jsut don't try to talk to her while you are at it

You just have to stay strong and calm and let her know that this will not be tolerated. I have mentioned on this board before that in my house when you get in trouble you don't just get grounded...you get WORK. cleaning bathrooms, floors, doing dishes, folding laundry, whatever needs doing. My theory is that if I have to take extra time to do something for you, you can return the favor....you could certainly use the help to offset the stress and pain you experience without all these new troubles she is creating.

It may not work, and many many times I have spent a lot more energy supervising these extra types of chores than it would take me to do them myself....but the message gets through.

Or, Maybe you need to have her return all the things she stole and take the legal punishment for them...that can be a wake up call when an officer shows up to take her fingerprints and such..

I also know what you mean about the assistance at school. My daughter was eligible for all sorts of things through her 504 plan, but she never uses any of it. If you can, stipulate in the IEP or 504 that one of the accomodations she needs is HELP and DIRECTION using the provided assistance.

In the end, the best you can do is try to stay in close touch with your daughter and supervise her as much as you can. It won't always work, but you can't blame yourself if you are doing your best. At some point she has to take responsibility for herself.

Does she see a therapist at all? That is another thing that really helps my daughter. Nothing like an adult who is not your parent who can be used to bounce things off of. My daughter loves her therapist...and truth be told I thin she is a little soft, but that apporach works for my kiddo, and slowly (over 3 years now) she is really coming to understand some things that i thought she might never get.

ack, well, take it easy and try try not to cause yourself extra pain from being upset- teenagers are a ******, btu they get better...I know this because i was a total hellion to my parents when i was a teen, but even I turned out OK or so they tell me.