i cannot tell you what that meant for me...to see peace and hugs.which made me cry and your quote ...which made me laugh!...just the right kind of yin-yan my spirit was needing. Not to dwell on the dramatic,the dark side,but i have been at this physical maladies game since 1995,when the Md came back with x-rays and said "yep,those knees are bad"i was 44...to soon for knee replacement.i was very commited to doing things as naturally as possible,vitamins,glucosamine,etc.Continued working,started an herb farm,with beautiful gardens,a gift shop. i manufactered about 40 different products. i could talk for hours about my farm,mybaby,my dream. physically the knee were bone tobone,and femurs had bowed very badly.in fall 2001 my bowels stated to hurt. the diagnosed irritable bowel syndrome/diverticulitis.The pain from my gut and knees became unmanageble. my daughter kept saying,it ok to ask for pain meds, its only temporary(little would i realise) Some where in there i had acataract removed but discovered i had a rheumetoid condition, that abolished eye site in left eye.Ifinally had knee surgery,one arthroscopic,Two total knee replacements. my health became worse and worse from the gut.Finally after four and half yearsand right after second knee replacement Afistula occured between my vagina and colon, my doctor for 2 months treated as abad urinary tract infection. i had already spent the last 2 years in and out of hospital for abcesses,sepsis. the surgeon who treated me,said he would repair and remove the offending diverticuli.The surgery that was suppose to take 4 hours took 12..He said"in the thirty years of surgery,he said he had never seen any that bad. He said it was just filled with garbage, from on going infections.Because it was so bad,he had to take out more colon,part of my colonand an ileoostomy. After five days out,the bag wouln not stick and i went back in for ten days.After 5 months i was well enough to have the ileoostomy taken down. I went back to work 2 weeks after surgery. I was on my way !!! to health and some wealth(lost my business,bankrupcy,my dignity, self respectbut i still had my familyand i was ready for the universe! then 5 months down i started experiencing pains,many kinds,all over my body,profound msscle weakness,my brain turned to mush and i could not make from one room to the next with resting and the pain took my breath away.Simple things,like picking up a coffee cup was hard to do. oh god back to the medical community,who i feel have failed me in so many ways.they didn't come up with a concrete answer, but i now have auto-immune connective tissue disorder,neuropathic pain in both knees,legs,fibromylasia,and once the "herb lady" am now on apharmacy of drugs.i finally gave up on my md and started seeing a naturopathic md who started treating me with acupuncture,vitamins,etc i was again on my way. Then in sept i got knocked down with this new body thing and pain,pain,pain...I would have to fill up a book on the lousy post care,pre care,misdiagnosis and even in cases, aguised refusal to treat.7 surgeries,with post trauma from the auto immune disorderand nasty anxiety attacks from senstivity to knock out meds. Maryann,forgive me , i have written a book,and your probably thinking..please write to someone else. But i feel so alone in this.I've managed to pull my self back up,after each crisis,there is just so much i will relay to my family how afraid i am ,of every thing. i use to be almost fearless in making my dreams happenand tending to other people dreamstoo .now i fear stepping out of bed for something else falling off!I tkankyou with my heart for allowing me to fill your space with my woesand i do feel some relief. i have beencrying as i write this and it feels cathartic.... much peace,joy,and hugs to you Cathy