Hi Everybody.

I'm new here, but not really. I've been around the block for several years with therapy and medication for depression, PTSD and everything else that goes with it. The last couple of years have been hard, at the end of last year I was "downsized" out my job at the firm that I worked with for almost 20 years. The last year there was rough on me emotionally and the whole situation was handled very badly.

I don't really want to talk about that though. It devastated me in a lot of ways and I have spent the last year trying to get over that. It's wearing on me big time. I'm still not working and I have to fight for what I need. And what I need is coming so slowly and it's so discouraging. Part of me feels so bad that I haven't been able to get or even look for work in a whole year. It's hard to believe that I was a semi-professional woman. Now, I feel like a nobody. I'm tired of doing this all alone. I finally got a resume done, after how long? Living off my savings account... I've got some help now, but it feels like it is too late. They've finally accepted my ideas now, six months later. Now, my faltering self esteem is in the toilet.

I just don't care anymore and I can't pull myself out of it. Nothing seems worth doing. I feel kind of numb.

The changes are coming I suppose and maybe that is what is scaring me. I don't know. And I don't care.

And I feel really vulnerable for even posting this. So, if it gets deleted, you'll know why.