I don't know about me.

Barbara, I read all about Mondo Beyondo last night and I was all psyched up! For the first time ever I came up with some really good intentions. I never in a million years would have been capable of doing that before. So, that is a good thing, now that I write about it. It took me a while but I fell asleep with a little smile upon my face. That's good too, I guess.

But now in the light of day, all good intentions are lost and the same feeling of hopelessness... Oh no, another day. I know that is a crappy attitude but is what I have been dealing with lately. That is why I am such a mess.

I should be happy. I am starting a couple of continuing ed classes tonight (in my supposed new field of interest) that the state is paying for, but I'm not. That's what is bothering me. I keep thinking I'm no good at it. I'm not talented. See, how I drag myself down like this? I get overwhelmed so easily and I guess I give up, thinking that it's not going to work. I don't want to be a defeatist. I want to change but somehow, I don't think I have it in me.

I'll try, I always do.