I am sorry and I can relate. Yesterday I had a little well more then little breakdown on the phone with my mom. I feel like I am loosing my mind. I am going back to the psych too because I need something to help me calm down with the anxiety and depression as well. I wish I had advice for you but I think it is good you are reaching out for help. Use the real time support you have too like family/friends,allow yourself to cry,try to do some coping mechanisms though at the moment they are not working so great for me. I kept saying yesterday to myself you just have to let the time pass and hope for better. I know work has been a big issue and I am sure a huge stresser with money etc. I really can not imagine working like this. Have you worked on disability yet? Is there any family that can help you out financially?I don't get it my friend is on disability for mental issues. In reality can do so much though. I understand depression but she is fine to go out and have fun and not in pain/illness. WHy do some people get it and not others who need it more?It is not fair. I am sending warm hugs and remember you have a buddy here. Hang in there and as we say in the therapy world one day at a time or even one moment at a time.