I can totally relate to you.

I use to tell my Dr. that when I took my walks each day I just wanted to keep walking until I got to the end of the world or wherever the road ended. The same way with driving, I wanted to drive until I could drive no further in the world.

I also feel like no one is listening to me at times. I am always telling my Dr. that I am talking but nobody's listening.

I believe what you have to do is make people listen to you. It's like my youngest Grandson. He's 13. He use to have this thing with not listening to anyone. They have to repeat themselves over and over. Finally with him, I started setting him down and taking his face in my hands and turning him toward me and telling him what I wanted. Now he listens to me when I talk to him. With the older people I think it's a matter of satting them down and explaining what you want from them and then asking them if there is any part of it that they don't get.

Depression makes you feel like you don't fit in anywhere and it also makes you feel like you don't want to fit in anywhere. That's because it makes you feel like you don't want to be around anyone to fit in anywhere.

I use to lock myself in my bedroom and not let anyone around me to talk to me. I had a husband though that wouldn't give up on me. He was always trying to help me and take care of me. I think too at times they give up on us because we don't seem to be getting anywhere with our depression and after trying for so long to help us, they finally don't know what to do next. As I said, I was blessed with Bill being there for me even when I didn't want him to be. Now that he's gone, I wish I could have been better about having him around me all of the time. I do think we were made for each other even though we had our ups and downs at times.

You do still need therapy. There is no way you can get through this deep of a depression without councelling and meds. A lot of the meds don't work so you may not find one that does the job for you. My depression was so deep that nothing did anything for it. Prozac made me more suicidal and so did Zoloft.

Another thing, our minds and brains are working all of the time with depression. Even meditation and prayer didn't do what we needed it to do for me. Now I have a VNS in me and it's not doing what we had hoped besides causing me many other problems. Back to you, sorry. You do need to try meditation and prayer to help you along with the councelling. A good Dr. can tell if you still need help. That's my thought. If they have spent a lot of time with you then they should know if you are ready to be released. Some councellors can actually make a person worse. My husband had one that was going through a divorce and the man was crazy. I wrote him a 3 page letter explaining why I thought he was wrong for what he had councelled to Bill. Make sure you have a good Councellor. They are few and far between. Most are about the money. I saw 3 Physchologist and 2 Physchatrist before I finally found someone that was willing to help me through what I am going through.
My son-in-law's sister found a councellor that she really likes and he cut her payments in half so that she could come in.

Dealing with depression, it's hard to survive 3 families under one roof. I tried that several times and it never worked. We are too stressed out and worried and depressed to do it. Actually, I don't know if a normal person could do it. LOL

Make sure your DIL understands she is not to leave the child again without letting you know. Sometimes it doesn't matter how many times you tell a person something, they don't seem to get it. That was very stupid of her to leave a child and not even care if you knew he was there. That's my feelings anyway.

It's not always us and our depression that makes things seem wrong. We just need to deal with what we know is wrong.

I am sorry that you are having health problems and your hubby too. I went through that also. It's not easy to do it.

I hope you start feeling better and that the depression soon lifts. Make sure though you get the help you need to get it down.

Ada