You're doing just fine using this sight dear lady. I have experience with what you are going thru as we lost our son to suicide....18 yrs ago this January...he left an 8 year old son behind. After spending years trying to find out why he would do such an awful thing...I have accepted it as an impulsive act fueled
by drinking 1/2 bottle of brandy and not winning the lottery.

If you can find a suicide support group near you...please go to one. There was none in our town then...there is now. It sounds like you cannot talk to his family as they are in denial...not uncommon. But you need to talk about what you are feeling...and whatever you are feeling is normal! Trust me it is!

I am on vacation right now so am not "living on my computer" as I often do at home. But I check this sight at least twice a day. Please know that you are not alone and please continue to talk here.