Nohope you know that you can post and read in all the threads here, or start a new one if this one gets too long. I think the tendency for suicide runs in families..your husbands family is an example of that...I also think there is a true link to alcohol and suicide.

I think I was about 10 yrs old the first time I thought about it. I was sitting on a step right by the two lane road that ran past my uncles farm in southern Indiana...I loved visiting there and was having a wonderful time.
A big semi truck was coming down this road and into my mind jumped the thought...I'm going to get up and run in front of it! Obviously I didn't but I remember being suprised at myself that I'd think of such a thing.

The last time I thought about it was when I was walking around the cemetary with a loaded gun...Michael was freshly buried there and I wanted to join him. I told my husband, gave him the gun and have never again considered doing that. Oh, I wished I were dead plenty of times but could never put my loved ones through that after learning first hand what it does.

And David, I think you understand all too well about self medicating with alcohol (as do I)....just do not have access to a gun while doing it.

Well folks.....are we having fun yet? Very heavy conversation so early in the morning.