Heather,

It really sounds like Bryan was almost, and, please forgive me as I am a believer in this, put in your life for a reason. It is so incredible, as you put it, that he went to the hospital, repeatedly, with someone that he barely knew; it sounds like he has a tremendous heart with great depths. And, as Greyhound said, you should be quite proud of yourself for battling through all this is, even with the support of your husband and others, but still making it a prioriity, because of how much you love your child, to be, truly a mother to her. Believe me, after 7 years at various psychiatric hospitals and group homes for girls and boys, there are PLENTY of HEALTHY mothers that don't even make their children a priority. But, you have to battle some major obsticles, on any given day, not only to combat the pain, but, to be a wife, and be a mother. And, it sounds like, minus, I am sure, the pain days that swallow you whole and you have no chance at beating it, that it's difficult to fully enjoy your family life as you would like to, with RSD, but, GREATLY admire, as you are a mother, a mentor to your little one, that you, desipite the pain, keep battling it, and still manage to be a great mother and wife. I am in awe of it really. Heather, too, it's funny that you mention turning to my gf or my higher power on those days when it reaches like that 8-9, and steadily rising levels. Ironically, I started doing that very thing way before this disagnosis, way before I knew what I was suffering from; I'd say back in late AUgust of last year. My gf, Cindy, when i just had what she calls"that pain look in my eye", as I inwardly fighting breaking down and screaming/cryng anyway, make me come inside, with a pillow on her life, her hands rubbing my back, and with the most gentle words that you have ever heard, encouranging me to let it out, scream if I have to, but realease all that I was holding in. And, being that she is "my safe place", she made it much easier to do that. It was difficult for me to allow her to see me that way, so vulnerable, in so much pain, but I surrendered to her love, her being my safe place, and her being willing to help. I do rememeber, however, during those same times, when I was there, crying and screaming out in pain, on Cindy's lap, that, I too, was talking aloud, to god, begging and pleading with him for help and surrender. I am sure we all have various terms that we use to deseribe what our pain feels like when it is off the charts on the pain scale,
but, despite the actual adjectives one could use to desrcibe the pain itself, I always felt, on the darkest of days, like the pain was "bigger than my body could handle." I used to desribe it that way a lot. Anyway, got slightly off topic, but, Heather, thank you for the advise and, again for the willingness to share your experiences. You are very brave, very much a soldier, and a fighter yourself; with, what sounds like an angel for husband!

GREYHOUND,
Thank you for sharing your experiences as well. Did you have RSD when you were getting divorced, with your two young kids? God, I hope not. That would be inconceivable to have to go through all that, especially with two young ones as well (be that, of course, stress is a major trigger for making RSD "flare" up or act up). I am very glad to hear that you left a situatation that was not good emotional for you, and then, in turn for your kids. And, in actuality, leaving, while the kids were toddlers, is even better, as they likely will have no memories of what disrespect your ex threw at you mentally and or physically everyday. God for you for having the courage to, number one, leave a barren marraige that was unhealthy and you weren't getting your needs met. Sometimes, choas can be "familiar chaos" and such an easy place to be trapped in/comfortbale with. It may be chaotic, the other person may emotionally abuse you or otherwise, but your know the other person well, they know you, and even if it's chaotic, you know what to expect. I am not condoning toxic relationships of course, just merely acknowledging the strength it takes to leave one; including myself, as I have been no exception to the rule along the highway of life myself. I admire the fight that you had in you to draw up the courage over time to leave a toxic relationship, while having to worry about the emotional and financial stability of the two young toddlers, the determination to find a job and make your new situation work. You, too, better pat yourself on the back for what a truely brave, courageous, hard-working, independent woman you are. I greatly admire that.
Though you have spoken minimally about your new husband, I am assuming that he is vastly different than the ex. I still admire your having three kids, your husband, and RSD all as roommates and all things that have to have time, love, and respect depovoted to them. Oh yeah, and you are working 12 hour days too. YOu are incredible emotionally strong. WOw, honestly, I am in awe. You set a wonderful example, through your perserverence, through your examples, and attitudes, that we all can follow. i am proud of you, so , dammit, you should be proud of you too.

Maybe the commonality that links us all is that we all are, in a sense, "soldiers"...battling little battles, or big wars, everyday, within and outside of ourselves. But, I think the best, strongest, best weapon, to take into battle is strong/stubborn will and the refusal to surrender (kind of like a Samari warrior). Whatever the case, lets all keep on keepin' on.