dear nohope, I think it would be a great idea if you continue chatting with us. You owe it to yourself to talk about how you are feeling, and haven't be able to talk to his family or the people who are too busy with their current lives. I promise you that if you keep talking with other people who have been devastated by suicide, it will make a real difference in your life. My mom committed suicide 6 weeks after my dad passed away, just when I thought I had her stresses under control enough to hopefully avoid such thoughts, so you can imagine how frustrated (and tired) I was.
It's not like people are going to tell you how to feel. I think you said it well when you said it's just being able to talk to people who have been dumped with the effects of a loved one committing suicide.
It really makes a difference in your life if you are also talking with people 'live', as in finding a group to visit with. You sound like you've been too depressed to find the group nearest to you, so tell us where you are and people here can do a little brainstorming for you.
I wish I could tell you that in 'n' weeks you'll be 'over' it. But you will never be over it. However, you can reach a point where you are proud of yourself for how you are doing, even if there will always be days when you just can't believe that you are in this situation. Those days never stop completely, but they come less often, eventually. Do you like the school your oldest will be attending?