HI!

I came to this forum because I have MS but while looking around I found this area.

I am 31 yars old, my first husband committed suicide when I was 23, in 1999.

I have done what I can and for all intents and purposes I have moved on with my life. I remarried and I have a beautiful little girl.

Yet I still carry it around with me. I am not afraid to talk about it persay I just don't have anyone I can talk about him with and sometimes that is hard.

We were having alot of problems and I left him, about a month later he killed himself. Our mutual friends bailed pretty much immediately.

They blamed me, I understand that for them it was easier to be angry at me, I have come to terms with that. But it is hard because they were also friends with my current DH and because he chose to remain friends with me and then eventually started dating me they no longer talk to him either.

They were his only friends, I had other friends but he didn't. It is hard and I'd be lying if I didn't say in some ways it has put a strain on our marraige.

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for here, I guess just people who understand and a place I can remember the good times with my 1st DH. We dated for 9 years and were married for 1 when it happened. There were good times but I no longer have people to share those thoughts with. I spent about half my life with him before he died, he was tied to so much of my life...

Talking about him to the people who were a part of our life is next to impossible as it seems to be too painful for them. I then feel guilty for bringing it up. I have no problem talking to my newer friends who didn't know him as far as the fact that I was married and he committed suicide but then it becomes the unspoken truth of my life, does that make sence?

Some times something will happen and I'l think of something that we did together and I want to comment but I feel like I need to silence myself rather than make others feel uncomfortable.

I have never had the opertunity to talk to others who have experienced this and I don't know if what I feel is normal?

Any way I just wanted to say hi and see where this goes from here. Thanks for reading.