NeuroTalk Support Groups - View Single Post - Many of you have brought me great joy! (long)

sugarboo · 01-30-2008, 03:13 PM

It was not MSW or NT that made this place for me, but the people in it.

There are so many of you, to numorous to count, that have brought me many joys, laughter, and tears. Many have been there for me when I needed a place to vent or share an experience. Many of you paid attention to me and gave me your support. I hope in some way, I've helped you too....I always tried to be there as a support for you as well.

I'd like to start out by saying that every thing I told you about my health condition was true. I felt and have lived through all that I reported. It is a very scary thing to go through, and not have answers.

As I read about all of you and what you go through, I could relate, as I have gone through it as well. The difference is, I don't have MS.

My LP came out normal. It is a relief beyond words. I do have the lesions on my brain, but they apparently are not reflective of MS. My VEP's were normal. This leaves me and my Neuro with one answer. That what I experienced is not MS.

But what is it? He explained I could do some Nerve Conduction studies but that even with a postitive there, He has no way to treat the sx really.

Now you'd think I would be feeling upset or mad that I didn't get what I searched for... a dx. But I'm not...I got better...I got no dx.

What I think is that some how, some way.....the stress I experienced with my last employer is at the heart of what happened. (This does not answer the past things over the years....but I can live with that too). Even though I'd stopped working weeks before the numbess started...I'm just going to have to accept that I worked myself into a stress induced MS Mimic.

So in conclusion; If it ain't MS, then it must be Psycological. Funny how our bodies work. I know we beat the drum here that "It's not in my head"....but I'm afraid that, at least for me, it must have been. I hope others will consider my statements who maybe refuse to believe this therory, and my hope is that many of you will reply to me and thank me for recognizing this as a possiblity, and congratulate me on following thru on all my testing to put this to rest once and for all.

I realized on my drive home that I love so many people here, but I don't belong. Despite the friendships I have waged here, it would be silly to hang on to these friendships when what I need to do is move on about life, resolve these issues that elude me, and find stability and good health.

So with these final words, I will be leaving this board...but that does not mean I'm leaving this site. I still have the back issues and apparently some depression and anxiety issues I need to start dealing with. I may stop in from time to time to check on all of you and hope you will remember me.

I guess thats all any of us want sometimes...is to be acknowledged and have a place to feel safe. You did that for me and I thank you from the bottom of my

I'm saddened that most of you have MS. You are wonderful people and its unfair that you got this DX. I've learned so much from all of you about what the disabled go thru...and that even if you look fine...many of you are not. You deserve good things and you deserve to have this safe place to share what you go thru.

With tears, I bid you all a farewell and a big thanks for all you do for this community. I will watch this thread for what I hope are many good wishes and goodbyes....And if I ever see you again....It's because I care about YOU!!

Peace and love be with you all!