Hi Mari ....

Been doing some thinking this morning as I read your thread. Now I can't come close to the thoughts Bizi has had about your thoughts and moods, but I say that even good positive happy things can be major life stresses, just as she said.

But while I can't add to that, I do have some ideas about your refrigerator. The first thing I would do is to get the maintenance man to (carefully) pull the drainpan out from under the fridge. This is often deep in fungal growth or other nasties. If this is it, dump out the water, clean it with thoroughly, finish off with a bleach water rinse, then when you place it on the floor, right before you push it back into place, pour in some bleach. If it is enough, it will last some time.

Now another thing to think about, of course, is the FLOOR under the fridge. The maintence man should pull the refridgerator fully out from the wall. If there is a wood floor or a wood subfloor, it is always possible that a overflowing drain pan has rotted the wood. Any rot must be removed.

Clean the floor thoroughly, finish with bleach water. Vacuum the back of the fridge and underneath (or there are long "bristle brushes" that look rather like extremely long baby bottle brushes) that can reach all the dust that has accumulated. This will make your refrigerator cost less to run.

If you can clean the actual fan blades, all the better. If there is an ice maker, check the plumbing (if clear plastic) for any signs of growth inside and have the maintenance man replace it.

Now, I have a story of bad nasty odor INSIDE a refrigerator. We had gone by someone's house, looked at their fridge that was empty, but running. It was PERFECT and quite a buy for us. It was delivered and set in the kitchen. And I open the door. My LORD, it smelled like rotted meat. I called her right away. I asked her if meat juices may have dripped down into the bottom of the fridge, seeped into the seams, destroying the fridge for human use. No, she said, that never happened. And frankly, I was having a hard time believing her.

Then she suddenly remembered that her husband had cut a watermelon and put it back in the fridge and it dripped profusely into the bottom. Into, I realized, the fiberglass insulation. <groan>
Well, who knew watermelon could stink so badly?

What I did was this -- I mixed some bleach water and poured it into the bottom of the fridge, let it seep down thru the seams. Followed it up with a baking soda-water mixture, let it, too, have a chance to seep down into those seams. Afterwards, when it was dry again, I sprinkled a heavy layer of baking soda over the bottom and poured vanilla extract over it.

Fixed the problem. The odor never came back, even when the fridge was again unplugged for several days when we moved.

Now (long post, isn't it), I have some ideas to quell some of the most jarring qualities of your noise problem. I, too, have experienced something like this - tho I don't have my mind follow the traffic, so to speak.

Now, if you enjoy listening to music, getting some headphones can help during part of the day. I particularly enjoy white noise - I find it soothing because it covers up the emptiness of total silence which tends to make me anxious. And certainly makes any outside noise more intrusive.

Summer and winter, I run fans. Every fan has a different kind of noise. My favorite is a terrific multi-directional, flat on the floor model called The Wind Machine. Very quiet.

I also do exceptionally well with what many would consider a noisy ticking clock. I like those old-fashioned Baby Bens with the dual bells and the little hammer that makes you WANT to get out of bed - so you turn the blamed thing off!!! (Unfortunately, even the Baby Bens are no longer wind up and can't tick. Such a loss for mankind.) I even took that clock and one of those little air cleaners to the hospital every time I had surgery. That white noise and ticking "muted" the distraction of the noise from the buisy halls and adjacent areas, allowing me to sleep well.

Now, I don't have solutions for the obsessive relentless nature of your thoughts. Can you call your doctor's office, describe your symptoms, and ask him if he thinks a medication or medication change could help you.

Theresa