Jaye,
What you say is true, but that does not really help in the place that I am. I kept everything in and that wasn't working, and so started to share some of my concerns, hoping that it would help. It does, some.

Some decisions, after they are made give a sense of release and commitment. This decision does not.

I know that I am acting childlike, and I know that the problem lies within me, but that does not make it any easier. I have had some depression over the years, have tried a couple of meds, but they made matters worse, so I normally can handle things. There are two things I can't get my thoughts around...surgery/dr stuff and the anniversary of my son's death which is coming up next month. These two have lives of their own.

I very much appreciate you sharing your wisdom, and I appreciate your concern. You are right, I am in this alone.

mama