Sorry I haven't been around this last week .

I also have Multiple Sclerosis, MS, I was diagnosed, dx, a year ago on the 12th. I have been spending time on that forum lately because I have alot of mixed emotions about my "anniverary".

I will get those book titles posted I haven't forgotten.

This is still so new to me, having a place I can talk about Sam's suicide without worrying about making some one else uncomfortable.

I am truly greatful to all of you for that

It has been eight and a half years of not talking about it, so this may take me alittle time to get used to.

I have checked in on the threads here even if I haven't posted much. I have many emotions that are hidden some times and then peek out when I least expect them .

I am still a work in progress , but I guess that is a good thing.

Sometimes I wonder exactly how much God thinks I can handle and just when I think I've reached my quota, I'm reminded that there is more to me.

I wish things could have been different for Sam and I , I wish I could have found a way for it not to have ended that way. I know that you can't change the past what's done is done but some times when I dream......

I have been dreaming about Sam lately, I don't know if it is because I am allowing myself to think about him because I have a place to come to now or what....

They are mostly good dreams, a few dark ones creep in which I guess is to be expected, but I do have some good ones of happier times.

I still sometimes think
'Sam would like to see that movie" and then I remember he won't....

I guess being here made me allow myself to think about him before I always felt like I needed to avoid those thought to avoid the urge to talk about him...

Any ways I really just wanted to check in, say hi and share were I am right now.