well they say bad things come in 3s... but i never thought they all came at once.. my fathers Alzheimer's seems to have got worse over the past week.. on top of being a person i now no longer really know.. they think he had a stroke or mini stroke of some sort.. (no way to tell for sure because he can not have a MRI due to metal in his body) no his hands/arms shake pretty uncontrollably.. not violent just very shaky....


oh it gets freaking better... i find out today my dog has cancer.. and there really isn't anything they can do.. just prolong inevitable.. and i am left with the decision to spend a ton of $$ i don't have to try treatment that "may" put her into remission and give her another year and hope she doesn't suffer.. or just put her down.. 5yrs old... poor little girl really didn't have much of a life.. call me a bad person if you want but i feel worse about my dog then my father at this point because he can tell us how he feels and we can tell him what has to be done... if he understands it or not is anyones guess but i think he does for the most part.... poor dog has no idea that how long she lives is up to me... and it is driving me nuts..


so i am pretty stressed, anxious, and bummed... have way to many thoughts racing through my head all at once and its driving me nuts... not a good combo when stress/anxiety seems to bring out my MS Sx..( and my angry side) so i am sitting here feeling like crap.. looking at my bottle of xanax thinking "well i am allowed to take 6mg a day..and if this keeps up i may actually need that much.." ( i am only taking 3-4mg a day so don't worry i am not planning on ODing or taking more then i was told) i think i may just need a little extra help to get through this one... but ill probably say screw it and just power through it as best i can without extra meds as usual, since i hate meds anyway..

i am not a man who cries.. but ill tell ya what this BS has got me on that thin line at this point... yeah i am a wuss.. but i don't care..

i think i just needed to vent a bit.. makes me feel a little bit better even if it really does nothing for the final outcome..