Hi Rachel and everyone else

I too am now 4 weeks post up but not having as good of luck as Rachel. I am still having a very rough time and in lots of pain. The other day I got so mad that I just kicking things and crying saying how I wish I wouldn't have bothered with this surgery. I don't know if the surgery was worth it. I have more pain now than I had prior to the surgery. I know that this takes time so I am still waiting it out but very frustrated. I have only been out of the house twice since my surgery and I am starting to go crazy. I want to do things can't. I still can't even turn my head or use my right arm. My surgery was through the neck and the incision looks pretty good... I have some pictures but I don't know how to post them on here. It is still very swollen though around the incision and also completely numb which also goes down into my chest and shoulder.

Johanna... my right side of the chest is still a little hard but I am breathing okay. When I take a deep breath it still hurts a little bit into my neck. Also, laughing and Coughing about kills me. We're watching a funny movie and I was laughing but crying more because it hurts so bad. I hate it! I hate all of this! It's starting to get me down but I'm trying to fight. It just seems like this TOS is winning. I don't know if my life will ever be the same at this point. I was told at the numbness didn't go away by now that I will probably always have it.

Also, I got really upset because I noticed that I seem to be lopsided now. My right side is up higher than my left and very noticeable. My husband thinks it might be because I'm so tight and tensed up on the right side. I sure hope that's it. He thinks I may just need the therapy to keep me from staying that way and being so tight. And does anyone else have this problem?

I also still have bumpy skin which they said probably won't go away. My voice comes and goes. One day it will be fine and the next day it will be all crackly. I don't get it! Also if I talk a lot to more pain I have and the worse my voice gets. I can't tolerate talking a lot. I really don't like having any company! Last week I had a meeting at my house for my daughter and talked for two hours straight... I thought I was going to die!

Does anyone have trouble with really bad headaches? IKEA it excruciating pain right at the base of my head top of my neck on the right side. It hurts to even touch that whole area! When I get this headache it comes on real fast out of nowhere... usually when I'm sitting and doing nothing it happens. Last night it was so bad that I couldn't even open my eyes. I also still have ringing in the ears and a stuffy feeling that I had before.

Unfortunately I feel like I have no improvement if this is permanent I will be very upset because I went through this surgery for nothing. I now have a scar as well.

I am concerned about tightness that I have under my arm to the left of the armpit into the chest and also around towards the back. I feel like my arm is spring-loaded and if I move a certain way it will snap. It's a very tight and hurts... it even hurts to touch those areas. Very tender muscles so I wonder if something is missing here and if those muscles pressing on nerves.

I still have numbness and tingling very bad in the right-hand and also color changes. My hand can be white as paper and then my fingers can also turn bluish purple. It's freaking me now. I also still get the cold hand and it also happens on the left side now as well.

Anybody know what to do from here and how I should go about all of this? I'm very scared and lost and so is my family. They are very concerned about me at this point. I go back to see the surgeon on the 22nd but honestly I don't think he will have any answers... he is just a surgeon.

I do have a pain management doctor and I think I will talk to her as well. I honestly think something is wrong and being missed.

I really appreciate all of your concerns and your support. I am so glad to be part of this group. You are wonderful! Thanks again

Momz