Bobbi, talking about this is such a helpful thing. There must be so many reasons people kill themselves, anger..helplessness..intolerable pain..to instill guilt in the survivors..impulsiveness..on and on I think. Initially my husband suspected that someone had come into his apt. and killed our son. As if somehow that would be easier to accept than Michael putting the gun in his own mouth and pulling the trigger. Our son was a juvenile probation officer and owned this gun because he had to walk around in dangerous neighborhoods at night, checking on his case load.

We spent at least two years trying to find out WHY our son would do such a thing and I think that it was necessary for us to ask that in order to accept the fact that we'd NEVER know why.

What you and all the other kids in that room had to witness was obviously planned. Look at the lives he ruinned..look at the # of survivors and the effect it's had on all of you. It's something that suicidal people don't even think about I suspect.

Recently I watched Anderson Cooper on Oprahs show and he disclosed that his brother killed himself in front of their mother (Gloria Vanderbilt). He just ran to the balcony of her apt. and dropped from the ledge before her very eyes. It's so hard to comprehend this horror.

(((Bobbi)))