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Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Way down yonder in the Land of Cotton
Posts: 231
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You guys are the BEST! Thank you...so very much!!
Thank you Dana,
For posting this update thingy for me. And Thank You everyone else too, for sending me well wishes. I can't even start to explain just how much that means to me. I don't have the words for it, and I don't think that is just because I have a "rusty holey brain" right now, either. I don't know that there ARE words to express how it makes me feel. How much those words, and you all, mean to me. All I have right now is "Thank You". Doesn't seem like enough....
So far...I am making it. Pain levels are still ungodly high, and I have a count down going on for Tuesday to get here. It is weird....in some ways, it seems like it is taking forever, or that it is LOOOONG ways away, but in others, time seems to whip by? Does that make any sense to anyone? Like, I know that it is Sunday, but part of me thinks "Wow. How did Sunday get here so fast?" while another part is thinking "OMG. It is only Sunday. I still have today and tomorrow, and how ever long on Tuesday left, before I get to the Hospital to have something done to get this crap settled down." Maybe it is just because I am weird. LOL, I KNOW I am weird, and embrace my "weirdness", since there isn't much hope of me turning UN- weird at this point (not after 37 years of being weirdo, that is! ROFL). Besides..my whole family is that way. I was doomed. As are my kids. LOLOLOL
Anyway...I am hanging in there. I am very scared of hitting my 10, as I have been there (or as close to it as I ever want to be), and the very thought of that 10 level just petrifies me. But, Things have simmered down to about an 8 right now....and for that I am very thankful. I don't like things this high....but it is better than being any higher, you know? I am just hoping and praying that things at least stay like they are right now until I get up to the hospital, where they have lots of nice drugs to conk me out with if I am totally messed up after the ride up there, which is something that I am pretty worried about, too. But, if I can just GET there....that will be something. Right now..I am looking for ANY progress. Looking for ANYTHING that I can try to be optimistic about, you know?
I am trying to be very careful to not make things any worse. No more looking for lost pendants or anything else. Things can stay lost until after Tuesday. I am not doing much around the house at all, although that it bothering me, and kinda stressing me out some (with both kids working...lots of the "chores" have kinda fallen back on me, simply because they don't have the time, between school and work, and anything else that they have going on....like Band, in Jay's case, which takes up LOTS of time). But, like I said, some things can just wait for me to take care of until after Tuesday. I can't afford to make myself any worse.
What happened with the bed frame....It wasn't just a case of stubbing my toe on it. My RSD originated in my right foot, when I whacked my foot (big toe, basically) into a curb. I am not sure THAT caused the RSD, but for sure the surgeries that I had done on that area did(one to remove "spurs" from arthritis and where they realized that I had punched a hole in the cartilage, one to remove a sesamoid that they said was "dead bone", the BIG one that fused that whole part of my foot together, and the last one....where I had a nerve severed to try to "get rid" of the pain, and which was the WORST mistake I ever made in this RSD Journey...even though at the time, I didn't know I HAD RSD, or what it was, or anything). So, I basically hit the worst place possible on my entire body when I collided with Meghan's bedframe. I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything, but sit there and howl...and even doing that hurt. The pain traveled up from my foot, through my whole leg, setting off and flaring up ALL of my RSD stuff as it went. I had things going on that I hadn't really had to deal with in years. It was awful.
I guess, all total, it took about 1.5 hours (or maybe even 2? As I am not sure exactly how long I was unable to do anything but sit and cry and bleed all over the damn place) before things finally started to simmer down a little. Thing is, ever since then...I have been worse than I was before The Bedframe From Hell incident. And that wasn't too good to start off with.
I am scared because of how things are acting now. Like I said, I have had things going on that I haven't really had to deal with (or not deal with much at all) for years, RSD wise. And, I know that this is my fault, because I had let things go for too long. I had messed up, and gone for too long without having my procedures done, and let things start to get out of what control I have of them. Then, the procedures that I did get scheduled got postponed (my doc NEVER has had to do that to me before...not in all the time that I have been seeing him, and that has been since the end of 1999), which was bad. But, that is what happens when you are stupid (like me) and push things to their breaking point; the risk is that they CAN break, and all Hell can come flooding down on your head.
That is what has happened to me (with the help of The Bedframe From Hell, I guess. LOL).
Anyway...I am still getting on the computer, and I am still reading posts and emails. I will even try to post (like I am now), but it just takes me a while to write things, as I have to leave them, and come back. That isn't so good, at least not for you all that get to read them, because it tends to help me actually write MORE rather than less. LOLOL...see? I am DOOMED to the LONG Posts! LOL. So, I am not posting often...even though I really, really would like to, because I have missed all of you all so very much, and am so very happy to see everyone here! I am here too...just....mostly reading. At least for right now. Until after my procedures on Tuesday. Then...Watch Out! There will be Looong Purple Posts all over the place! ROFL!!
I will try to at least let Dana or Liz or someone know how I am doing after my procedures Tuesday. Thank all of you guys for all of the good thoughts and Prayers and finger crossings that everything goes well, and that my procedures work. If they at least knock the edge off....get things back down to where I can be more like myself....and not be so Petrified of that 10 looming around the corner, I will be VERY happy!
Thank you all again for everything. You all are just the best. Like I said at the beginning of this long thing....I don't even have the words to tell you how much these messages and thoughts and prayers mean to me.
Love and (((Hugs)))
Jose
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