I can relate to you. I have delt with depression for as far back as I can remember. At least 8 to 9 years old. I have been suicidal for that long also.

I am in councelling, have been for about 10 years. I won't even try to give up councelling. I can't get through things on my own.

You need to try and find another councellor. If it's someone you don't like, keep looking. I do know they are very hard to find, a good one anyway.

You need professional help when you are in the shape that we are in.

It is great here. There will be others that will come along and help you also. Check out some of the other forums also if you can't get enough help here.A lot of people on here are living with depression but don't come here much due to having other illnessess'

Have a good day and do stick around.

Ada