There was a strange turn of events yesterday. My brother attempted suicide. I didn't ask how, nor do I want to know. I am guessing he was self-medicating and went overboard. Regardless, at least he took the steps that allowed my family to legally have him checked in somewhere against his will to get him the necessary psychiatric help he needs, as he can't beat his addictions when he's not mentally stable. It's leaning towards a diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder for him, and I'm not surprised in the least bit.

It's complicated to hold a grudge on someone who may or may not be aware of what they do. However, he is smart enough to concoct a lie and is a master of manipulation - so I think before his manic episodes and while he's not having them, he is at least somewhat aware of what he's doing. I just don't think his brain 'clicks' and lets him know there will be consequences to his actions. I only think/know that because I watch a lot of TV about people who are murderers, rapists, and other similar things along with people who are suffering from a psychological disorder. The show I watch does SPECT scans and other things clearly demonstrating actual 'brain damage' indicating the part of the brain that tells you (in simple terms) If you touch the fire it will burn you - so these people touch the fire because the 'it will burn you' part never was relayed to them.

I have decided until he is being treated by a professional and is on medication, I will have no communication with him and have informed my family I do not want to be contacted regarding him unless it is to tell me progress. If there's no progress, I simply want to be left out. My father has disowned him, which I am not surprised as my brother threatened my Grandma and it was her who found him in his own vomit, and even laying there in that condition he still threatened her. She enabled him in many ways, and I am very sad for her, but this had to happen directly to her for her to finally grasp exactly what he's capable of. She was terrified to be alone with him, and unfortunately - that was a good thing.

I try to keep his mental stability (or lack thereof) in mind, but it's hard to 'care' when he's threatening a small old woman who has done nothing but help him. I've never seen her cry without him being the cause, and I'm sick of it. This woman hasn't done anything to ever help me yet has spent thousands of dollars on him (not counting what he's stollen) and I still will defend her. I don't threaten people ever, but I told him yesterday (prior to the suicide attempt) that if he laid one finger on her, I'd kill him. I obviously wouldn't kill anyone, heck I doubt I could even hit him hard enough to phase him. I was angry though.

Amazingly enough it's made it back to the point where my concerns came off of ME and went back to him, it's the second fiddle factor - again. I know now that he's messed up, again, they will love me, again. I'm trying to strengthen up enough to make it clear I don't essentially need their conditional love, not when loving me is only possible when it's convenient. Unless they show it, I'm going to start to burn some bridges and they should know I am fully capable of it - I've written off 7 family members already and I can do this without blinking an eye.

I don't want to be a cold person because I am surrounded by them in my family, but in this one instance - I think my numbness is actually a good characteristic because I can't take anymore upsets.

Anywho, that's about it. I just needed to blurt some stuff out. I slept well last night knowing my Grandma was finally alone in her house without my brother. I've told them all he's capable of hurting someone, and I think if the moment is right - he could kill. I wish they'd have listened to me and maybe things wouldn't have gotten so out of control. I feel bad my grandma is probably traumatized from this, but maybe now she can use the last years of her life enjoying it rather than being used by my brother.