Hi everyone,

I am sorry it took so long for me to post a reply on here but I was down in the dumps and then my laptop cord caught fire. I can't use the other computer at all because I can't hold my arm up tight so I need my laptop. The laptop is an old one and the battery doesn't hold a charge and the cord was breaking for a while... but then one day it started smoking so I had a problem. We had to order a new cord and wait for it to come in the mail so now I'm back up and running! woohoo!

Well here is my update on how things are going... I saw the surgeon on Friday last week he was disappointed but still feels as though I will be able to recover from this. Maybe not completely but at least a lot better than I was prior to surgery. He told me that some people have 100% success right after surgery and others can take up to two years. The other one is some don't recover at all and have permanent nerve damage. I fall into either one of those categories so either it's going to take a long time or not happen at all. He was hoping that I would have instant recovery but that doesn't seem to be the case. I told them that I was in worse shape than I was prior to surgery and he could actually see that the appointment. He said I looked a mess and in a lot of pain. He is now sending me to physical therapy and I have a therapist all lined up who is a specialist with TOS. They are both hoping that some therapy will help. He told me that the numbness that I'm having is normal and should get better. I also saw my pain management doctor the same day and she said the same thing. She told me that basically what happens is that the nerves go into hibernation after the surgery. This is a major surgery and affects a big bundle of nerves and he had to move all of them and free up all of them. All the nerves were encased in scar tissue and held down by the scaling muscles. She said his report was very thorough and things were a real mess in there and it looks like he did a good job. She said it was quite extensive work and is not surprised of my symptoms at this point. Also there are surface nerves all around the area and were cut during the surgery. It takes time for them to heal as well but sometimes they don't heal completely. We don't know what'll happen yet. All we can do is hope for the best.

I have to say I am feeling a little bit better now since my appointment with her on Friday. My doctor told me that I was only on one third of the Neurontin dose and I could definitely take more to help with the pain. She started me out on the lowest dose and has been playing around with it to see what works especially due to my reactions and allergies. The Neurontin seems to really be working and I don't have any side effects from it. And the world to have something that works and I really wish I would've had it prior to surgery. She increased my dose to 600 mg three times a day. I have 300 mg pills so I can even take more if needed in between the doses. The maximum doses 3600 mg a day. She has also kept me on the Avinza which also works because I can tell when that wears off. I take that every day in the evening before bed because it helps me sleep and then I'm good for most of the day (the following day). I can definitely tell when it wears off and it's a different pain than the nerve pain. I can tell when the Neurontin wears off but I try o keep it going so it doesn't wear off because the pain is excruciating! Also she upped ibuprofen dose to 600 mg. I can also tell when that wears off. That really helps with the aching and the swelling in my neck around the incision. So to say the least with all these meds I think things are under control at this point. I am actually happy for once because I can go through the day without dying in pain! I still have just a slight pain but I have actually been able to hold my head up straight and moved my arm which I have never been able to do since surgery. It's a great feeling and I feel as though I may have some success. Last night my medicine wore off and I fell asleep on the couch.. when I woke up I cried... I realized I'm not better yet. Basically I was told that the nerves are really ****** off and could possibly be damaged permanently but maybe some therapy will work. I have noticed though that my right eye and vision has been much better along with my hearing so it's a definite that the nerves were pinched to those areas and have given me a relief since surgery. I am happy about that because my vision was really bad and my right eye had so much pressure it was terrible.

Things are better now with the hubby... we had a big blowout and I am a bit annoyed with with him lately. I need a break and a vacation but surely can't afford one. It's one of those things that if I can't do anything... neither can he. He sits on the couch and does nothing because I sit on the couch. He can't seem to do work around the house because I can't be involved. He will admit to it but it's obvious. It really ticks me off. I have a lot of issues with him but every time I try to bring them up he gets ****** and starts an argument. Unfortunately he's one of those that is always right and I'm always wrong. It truly bothers me but I have learned just to do my thing and shut up about it. I can't confront him with anything because it goes nowhere other than a big argument. I am now frustrated and have decided to find things to do on my own which isn't much at the moment. I actually took a long walk yesterday and it felt great even though it was cold outside. It started snowing on my way home but I felt good and it was nice to have some fresh air and some exercise. I walked to the store and just browse around and talked to a few people... took my time... and then walked home. I was actually in good spirits by the time I got home even though I was a bit tired. I am tired of sitting on the couch doing nothing. I have decided I will get out and walk except for like today because it is freezing out there!

I have also decided to be a student and take college courses online. It is something I have always wanted to do. In high school my parents told me that a woman's place is at home the married and having kids. I was told no way about college. I was upset about it but couldn't afford college and I guess I listen to my parents and got married at 19 and had kids. It has always bothered me about not going to college. I love being a mom but I also enjoy working and want a career. I am tired of just having a basic "office job". I want more for myself and my family. I applied for financial aid and it's all ready to go.... I am going to start working towards a bachelors degree in business management/leadership. I have many ideas and goals and hopefully things will work out for me eventually. The bad luck has got a run out sometime.

I'm signing off for now... this Dragon software works great! I could never have typed all that. I hope everyone else is doing well... and I've been thinking about all of you especially the other postop Tos'rs. Johanna... hope you are doing well after your recent surgery. Been thinking about you as well. I really appreciate all of your concerns and well wishes. I am so glad to have all of your support... it really helps.

Momz