I don't know but when you find out how to handle this let me know. My mom is very similar in that her way is the right way and a dark cloud follows her. She just had brain surgery as you know and now that she is getting better she is really pushing every nerve us kids have. She is closest to us girls and takes things out on us. The boys? Well, she would never ever tell them anything...haha When she was discharged from the hospital she told me that Jim and I are who she feels comfortable with and she can be herself. That felt good to hear and a rare happening. For my mom it is the control factor. She does not want to be out of control no matter what. Once she resigns to the fact that she is getting older and not in as much control I think she will relax a bit, we pray. :-)

Hugs to you and I hope you find the right words to make her stop. My suggestion is to not tell her anything even if you need your dad. Just ask for him to call you, nothing more. Maybe she'll get the point then.