We almost lost my DH to colorectal cancer last year. It was initially missed by one dr and 2 years later, the tumor was so large it was attached to ALL sided of his pelis and his bladder. It ruptured, but the surgeon was able to get it out without it spreading. He finished the last of his chemo about 5 months ago. But his has lost a lot of weight even since then and is is much pain. Has trouble getting around and functioning. I am praying it hasn't spread and that this is just aftermath of the chemo.

Thank you both for your advise and encouragement. Cherie you are so level headed. I have read many things you have shared in other threads. You are both very kind. I know I have to be level headed and make changes in my life. It is just overwhelming right now and seems impossible.

Cherie, part of my stress right now is my work. I am considering an early retirement. It's just so hard because it seems like defeat. I was not finished with all I wanted to do with my career. Sometimes I just get so mad. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle. And I also know that I can grow for the Lord through this. My brain knows all the right things. But my heart just doesn't always "get it".

I just needed a shoulder to cry on tonight. Thank you both for letting me do that. I'm sure I will pick myself up by the bootstraps shortly... I always do. I am just going to have to find a new way, because I know "powering through it" is not an option anymore, as was mentioned to me earlier on in this thread. I just have to find my way through it all and right now I'm just a bit lost.

I have always been the listener and fixer for everyone else. That's the way it is supposed to be for me. God is teaching me something, but I'm just not sure what.

Thank you so much for caring! Sometimes that is enough... just to know there is someone out there who cares!