Or is it just that I let people use me and they feed off of that? I am really deeply upset at a lot of my neighbors for thinking of me as someone to fix them meals, give them rides, loan them money, or give them coffee or soda. I am beginning to think that it's mostly my fault for starting out being generous just to make friends when in the end these people are not really friends. With the emotional abuse of my recent past I feel that I must buy friendship and companionship. It's ironic but I have become a little of why my marriage did not work; a husband who tried to buy his blood family's love to no avail to only neglect me whom he once had love by. Because of my husband's abuse in his childhood and his mother's narcissist ways he was always bending over backwards to buy her love the way a mother should love but it never happened. I have found myself in the same boat with my neighbors now in a sense that I want to buy their frienship but it never works. The only family I have left has all deserted me and have nothing to do with me except a half sister whom I never met. My analysis on the family that deserted me was not use to the new me. My family seemed the 1st that I had started to assert myself with and it didn't go over well evidently.

So all alone at times but I still have my faith.

befuddled2