Friend, I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through and all you've BEEN through. You are so newly dxed that the emotional toll itself must be taking a toll. Every single one of us can tell you, despite of where we are in our journey or how it's manifesting itself physically, it's overwhelming at first. Not that it ever ceases to stink, but that part does get better. Don't feel defeat on any level -- right now it's baby steps. Give yourself a break and for now, just take it one day at a time. You are not alone!