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Magnate
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,280
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Magnate
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,280
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Hurtsobad, I’m glad you wrote those letters and I hope it’s the start of a new beginning for you. You have a wonderful husband.
Do you Journal? If not then you might try it. I found journaling to be helpful although there were times I thought journaling made me feel worse. I have 3 ½ journals full. I just let my writing take me were ever it wanted. Sometimes my thoughts were coming faster than I could write.
I had so much anger and I learned how to feed that anger. Do you know anger is easier to feel than the hurt and sadness? One day as I was journaling I wondered what it would be like to stop writing about the past and focus on the present and future. So, I started writing about the here and now. That small action changed things for me.
No, my PTSD is not gone nor will it ever be but I was looking at how lucky I am – wonderful husband, 2 great kids, a nice home which is safe and inviting for me. All of this was part of my journaling.
I also found spirituality. No, I’m not preaching religion. I believe everyone has a right to believe or not believe what they want.
Music is a big thing for me – I like a wide range of different music – Rap/Hip-Hop, Rock, Celtic and Christian.
It was the lyrics to a christian song that allowed me to let go of the anger and feel the other emotions and cry. Crying, for me, is weakness so this was a very major step. I hope in some small way this can help you.
The song------
Traveling Light by Joel Hanson & Sara Groves
Well I was doubling over the load on my shoulders
Was a weight I carried with me everyday
Crossing miles of frustrations and rivers a raging
Picking up stones I found along the way
I staggered and I stumbled down
Pathways of trouble
I was hauling those souvenirs of misery
And with each step taken my back was breaking
'Til I found the One who took it all from me
Down by the riverside
(Down by the riverside)
I laid my burdens down,
Now I'm traveling light
My spirit lifted high
(I found my freedom now)
I found my freedom now
And I'm traveling light
Through the darkest alleys and loneliest valleys
I was dragging those heavy chains of doubt and fear
Then with the one word spoken the locks were broken
Now He's leading me to places
Where there are no tears
Down by the riverside
(Down by the riverside)
I laid my burdens down,
Now I'm traveling light
My spirit lifted high
(I found my freedom now)
I found my freedom now
And I'm traveling light
Down by the riverside
I laid my burdens down,
Now I'm traveling light
My spirit lifted high
I found my freedom now
And I'm traveling light
Down by the riverside
(Down by the riverside)
I laid my burdens down,
Now I'm traveling light
My spirit lifted high
(I found my freedom now)
I found my freedom now
And I'm traveling light
Hurtsobad, your not a horrible wife and mother. You are a wonderful person who has gone through some horrible things. And, by the way - I am also hard on myself. I think sometimes we blame ourselves for things we had/have no control over.
__________________
Dx RRMS 1984
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