While I am not a survivor of suicide I thought this would be the best place to create a thread compared to the depression forum. I have been struggling with anxiety for most of my life which has brought on depression (I am now fifteen). Depression is now the big problem and is completely controlling my life. It has pretty much crippled me mentally. I have pushed away all my friends because of it and I cannot function properly. Some of you may know what I mean Anyway, yesterday I was going to commit suicide. I am tired of waiting for help. My mother (she is a single parent and does not work do to arthritis) cannot afford any fancy or good therapy for me but I am going to see a psychiatrist in about eight months. I don't really want to because I have had bad experience with prescription drugs in the past and I do not believe it helps at all. Pretty much I am tired of waiting for some silly old man to give me a bunch of medication that will just mess me up anyway. I have been tired of holding it all in and waiting. I am tired of the depression and anxiety. So I had a plan (to overdose) and the means to do it (LOTS of pills) and even a note. I don't really want to go into details. Anyway, my mother came into my room and found out my intentions. She phoned a CRISIS line despite my protests and some guys came over. They gave me the option of going to the hospital or staying home under the supervision of my mother. I decided to stay home because I have separation anxiety and was exhausted. So that was yesterday. TODAY one of the men from the CRISIS line came over to talk about what is next. He talked to my doctor and she wants to put me in the hospital so I am safe. I don't really want to because of my separation anxiety and because I have never spent the night in a hospital before. They would just take me to the normal hospital but later transfer me to one that specializes in people like me. He gave me another option which would be to see a councilor right away (well, tomorrow) to help me with my problems. I chose the second option. Here is the problem. My doctor has the right to overrule my choice and send me to the hospital. Knowing her, there is an 80% chance of that happening. I actually packed a bag I am so certain that she will send me away. I guess I am okay with that because I am afraid that once I go to the councilor and talk about my problems I will get even more depressed and will make a successful suicide attempt. I often will get suicidal when talking about my problems so I am wondering if being hospitalized is the best option. I'm also very ashamed that I didn't kill myself, as silly as that may sound. I just wanted to know if any of you have any advice on what to do, or if any of you have been hospitalized what is it like?

Thanks,
Aoibheann