Thank you t. It makes me feel better to talk about this stuff. This isn't really what you'd say to a therapist, that you Really don't want to be here and talking to YOU!!

I think about things, I mean Wierd stuff. But I also have come to some realizations about myself. I am lonely sometimes but on the whole I find people to be very difficult to be around. I can't relax with people and just be myself. If I have a guest over I feel like I should be waiting on them hand and foot and just wearing myself out and it turns into an unpleasant experience for me so I don't do it anymore.

I don't think I actually HAD the normal childhood. From the time I could stand at the sink I had to do ALL my mother's housework. I wasn't allowed friends or to go out anywhere. Everything was Just housework. She worked and travelled alot and I had to pick up HER slack. I feel now that was very unfair of her to do that to me. My thinking is all screwed up. HER social life was More important to her than I was and now I am hardwired to think all I am supposed to do is Housework, Everyday, All day. I have NO social life whatsoever and I don't know how to fix this.

You know, I don't ever remember having any tender memories of me and my mother. I don't ever remember her hugging me or saying she loved me. It has left a terrible hole in my heart. I did have 2 brothers and one sister but they were older and had moved out by the time I was 5. I was a very lonely little girl and now I am a very lonely big girl.