Hi again...thanks for your hugs, support and suggestions.
I edited most of what I'd written earlier here in this thread,
just dont want more uglies! Is non productive anyway.
"These" aren't bad people...just very confused and frightened like the rest of us,
just they are terribly confused and get things so mixed up..
But lesson learned, never try to get close to anyone! NEVER!
I've been see'ing a "shrink" as part of contract for pain clinic patients.
He's tried helping me thru all this as well,
knows I'm not crazy, just suffer poor self esteeme and pain and poor health.
Is what "most/all of "us" " suffer with/from when have such...
think the pain meds and steroids I MUST take causes a lot of this.
I fully admit I'm terribly narsisstic...
How can one think outside self when they have pain?
Then factor in the way I was "raised", by 2 crazies! oyeee!
I've told others who don't suffer pain and try tell me to just "suck it up"
I urge them to put a bunch of clothes pins pinched all over your body...
at least 50 of them!
Now...let it pinch all over for several hours...
Now....Lets see what YOU think or talk about!
That gets people thinking, but they'd never try it!
But is what most of us "live" with when have chronic pain and illnesses.
I think that part of medical training should include their virtually experiencing chronic pain/suffering,
as well as no income, fatigue and loneliness that accompanies all this.
Also treated by naysaying skeptical rolling eye'd doctors!
I think medical community would treat people with a little more respect!
And I must admit this...when I worked in the hospital lab as a medical Phlebotomist drawing blood.
I saw it all! Heard it all and I too became very complacant.
I wouldn't say I wasn't compassionate because my nature is very caring and giving. I'm a natural careTAKER.
Sadly I too was disbeleiving, roll eyes, out of sight of course, whenever a "patient"
would continue on and on about their pain and suffering....sad saga.
They looked so healthy and normal, didn't look "un-well"...how could they be that ill? Ha! Boy do I know that story!
I'd think, "yeah right, lady what you need is get your butt out of bed and put on some lipstick, then get to work!"
I really thought these thoughts when healthy looking women came in for endless panels of blood work ordered.
They'd whine, cry about endless days of pain, not able to function, fatigued,
you know the saga...yada yada yada! whaaa whaaa whaaaa!
I became numb to their endless lists of puzzeling symptoms,
wonder to myself "Do I LOOK like I give a rip?!!"
Perhaps I did as I was very gentle and tried to be understanding
when it came to poking someone, especially if they shared my phobia of needles.
I hope I never hurt anyone or that my skepticism showed.
Yes, is puzzeling I took up this "proffesssion= Phlebotomy"
but I was desperate for better income as we had 3 kids in private school.
My terrible fear/phobia of needles vs much better income over minimum wage won out.
Phlebotomy fit well with my love of people and Medicine plus much better income.
But was really Gods way of getting ME over my fear/phobia of needles and syringes.
Later when I became severely anemic I needed endless blood testing and
numerous blood transfusions for nearly 3 years. Was a virtual nightmare.
But at least I no longer would run off screaming when I'd see syringes.
I actually loved drawing blood, even from tiny hours old babies!
So was good way for me to get over my fears as I needed numerous endless pokings
that continue but not nearly as much because they finally found a baseball sized AVM (aneurism like) in my small intestines.
Once they removed that, along with few inches intestines, they resected me in 2 areas of small intestines,
also removed over 3 feet, two fingers, 3 toes, an arm and a leg! Ha ha!
I'm being silly here, but ya gotta laugh else you'll cry as was just too much for one life!
After years as a Plebotomist, I went into selling Real Estate.
I loved it! but then...one fall...was all over for me after moving into a beautiful home set high up on a knoll, filled with all new "stuff".
We closed our home up tight trying to ward off bitter cold and ice storm.
But by January I began having low grade temps, muscle/joint pain, fatigue, tummy aches...felt like truck ran over me.
The doctor I'd seen advised me perhaps tight pants I was wearing caused my tummy aches...what???
Just another Idiot doc!!
I asked for something to help my pain...OMG!
I didn't ask for a bolus of MORPHINE!
But he wrote across my chart "ASKED FOR DRUGS=VICODIN!"
I was labled a drug seeker! What?...I'd thrown out several bottles of unused pain meds,
Percocete, Vicodin, Morhpine both my husband and I had recieved for surgeries and Larrys cancer treatments.
I had no idea about pain meds in those days, but I was in severe pain
and heard that Vicodin worked better than Tylenol or IBprohin. What a nightmare!
I was refused ANY sort of pain meds as it was written in red marker
on front of my medical chart stating I was a drug seeker!
Here's a hint people! NEVER ask for pain meds!
Even when you're dying from pain!...just suffer! Ha!...no kick the doctor in his cajonies...well you know!
Then they'll lable you as violent!...but anythings better than being labled drug seeker when you're in horrible pain!
Took me years to get one single bottle of Vicodin, but took having psychological testing by drug councilor.
Once they saw that I was NOT what they'd 1st labled me as a drug seeker and really in pain,
was "allowed" bottle of 10 Vicodin, 5 mg. Ha!
Turns out it made my throat itch so couldn't take that!
I've had a very adverse reaction to other meds
Was an endless saga! Hot baths work best for Fibro pain..
Was really a food allergy! Wheat, Broccolli, eggs, chicken, few others.
Once I stopped eating wheat, muscle pain and diarreah went away!
But oh how I miss soft gooey bread! Or sour dough toast...oh why that?
Why me? why? Is reason I ask God, dont trust Him and question His ways.
I struggle daily...perhaps one day I'll find the answers I'm seeking.
Blessings, CryTears
Laughter IS good medicine, but careful gals...sometimes we leak when we laugh!...so stiffle the giggles!