Such grief! I cannot imagine. The precious little soul is in the arms of the lord now.

I just received a phone call from my new friend I was telling you about, the one I am helping clear all the clutter from 3 suicides in her immediate family. A friend of her's just lost her 2 year old granddaughter, to sexual abuse and then murder Saturday night. This happened in Salem Oregon. All I could say to her was how sorry I was for all who have been affected by this horrific tradgedy and told her she really needs to be with her friend right now.

My God! Why?!! A friend of mine who had accompanied me to my divorce trial also lost her 3 year old Christmas of 2006 after a horrific car crash with a semi. It was the seatbelt that drug her to her death. Why? We protect our kids with all we have and by the laws and what society has taught us. How could this happen?!

After all those beautiful, wonderful years of Alffe being a wonderful parent, my God, how could you take Michael? Why?

Why did my husband, father of my children decide that an "out" was the best way to fix this mess? Why?!! God why? I am soooooooo alone and so sad. I don't want a replacement, I just want to raise my kids the right way, but how can you do that without a father? All I ever dreamed about was a family. I never thought about a career in high school, all I thought about was a family and being a mama like my mom. I keep bumping along trying to do what we used to and keep my kids active and happy. I am all they got. What should happen if I go?

Looking4hope, I don't think I have ever responded to one of your entries, but I read them daily. I truly care, as much of the things you say I can totally relate to. I just don't know what to say. I have never been one to say the "right things". I feel I have lost the majority of my friends because I am spontaneous and just blirt out the first thing that comes to mind without thinking about how it will affect the individual. I am teaching myself now to listen more and think about my response and how it will affect the person before blirting it out. I am listening, I care and I am here with everyone else.

Ckepi, I know we could talk all night. I think of you often. I know you really miss your past as I do mine. We will never forget. You are 8 years post, I am 5 months. Really, does it get any better? You loved yours, I loathed mine, but it wasn't always that way. I never thought there could be such a union between 2 people, we were inseperable and best friends. I hate him for what he did. All I demanded was that he get help and only then could a marraige counselor save us. His answer was divorce!

Ok, I am ranting. My kiddos just polished off their Taco Bell burritos. I am on a diet, so "no touch". Got to get this butt off the chair and away from the computer. So hard!

Alffe, how's the sunny side sun shine? Gotta tan? Rock on!