It is so unfair how things happen in life. I had spoken to my Dept. of Rehab. counselor's supervisor today over disatisfaction over my counselor. As I give her reasons dating back to Goodwill and how my counselor stood up for Goodwill she made the statement that I'm difficult to get along with people. Can you believe that because I got yelled at by a teacher at Goodwill which caused a snowball effect of the staff at Goodwill harassing me that I got labled hard to get along with? It is so unfair but then I might have made lead way with the supervior in getting them to give me a computer workstation that will not be so hard on my neck and shoulder pain. She kept making excuses why they could not let me have a work station at home at this moment even though I had told her about me taking online classes and research into me getting a job. Finally I told that if she would have someone set me up a work station that I would pay for it myself. She called me back to ask the specifics of what bothers me about being at the computer for very long so I told her. You see why I have been labled hard to get along with? I guess I know why they lable me that. I'm not one to take things laying down. My husband had squashed that trait in me over the years but it's coming out. Like my husband had told the marriage counselor way back that one thing he liked about me was I don't take no crap. I changed after being with my husband and my husband's constant abuse but I'm getting back to my old self and I see it's stirring some feathers. I also had sent my older brother in Georgia an email tellling him that if wanted a brother sister relationship with me he'd have to face some of the issues he has and I named some of them. He is in big denial to a lot but he did say he would be willing to go to a counselor to mend things which is a start.

This whole mess of standing up for myself again is nerve racking to me because I was a dormat for so long and this is almost like all new to me. I've been having some strong cravings to smoke at night a lot for quite some time now. I feel so out of place and I think this is what is bringing on the craves for a smoke. I know though if I did smoke I would be sick as a dog and that's the biggest detterant in not doing so in those dark moments.

Thank for listening.