Wiix,

The past does seem to haunt us.

For me, I had to leave it. How? By going forward.

I know that as you get older it does come back to haunt you, a dear older friend of mine is having flashbacks that are downright scary right now. My grandmother had to deal with some really bad stuff before she died.

You sound a lot like my father. He was always so much happier teaching my kids and other people. I wished he had been more active in some sort of teaching before he died.

Wiix, try volunteering doing something you love. You can be helpful to someone. Don't need to have a personal relationship with them. You are very intelligent, I can tell from your writing.

Why don't you help with the adult illiteracy program in your area? You'll be assigned a person that you can meet in a library or some place else that will be conducive to your work.

Join a telephone after school homework network....you have internet....you'd be exercising your mind too!

If you like the elderly, what about volunteering at a nursing home? Ask to be buddied up with someone who doesn't have closeby relatives or friends. That might be really wonderfully rewarding for you.

Sometimes reaching out to others is the best remedy for our own misery.

I wish you peace.