Wiix I feel for you. I've been where you've been, so I feel your pain. The pain I went through was both mental and physical, but I understand how you can still hurt so long after the fact. I still have the occassional nightmare after 25 years!

You can find friends in cyber space (and I have the most special, the most loving, the most wonderful cyber friend you could ever imagine), but I doubt a cyber friend would fill your need. My guess is you need a 'person' friend.

It took me a very long time after I'd come to terms with my own "problems" before I had the courage to venture out into the big bad world, but venture I did....very slowly!

It's a case of finding something you like. Go with your diagnosis maybe (for me it's MS), and just turn up to a meeting of people who have the same problem. Even when I eventually went to my first MS meeting, I just sat in the corner and didn't speak.

Try a sport or a hobby that takes your interest. For me it was 10 pin bowling ..........nobody laugh please 'cos I'm deadly serious!

I loved it, so I'd play all by myself. Game after game, week after week. Eventually I started to feel less self conscious when people spoke to me, and eventually (after a long time) I took up an offer to join a league. The rest is history, 'cos I met my DH there, and we now live happily ever after .....

Our 20 year wedding anniversary coming up this October 29 .

There....you have most of my life history! I only hope my baring my soul to you has helped a bit Wiix.

PS. I probably should have said that I'm close to your age as well.