You know, ((((((Barbara)))))), what you're going through is perfectly NORMAL. Even though it seems a lot of the people that are supposed to be helping you can't see that.

I went through the same sort of thing when I divorced my husband. Matter of fact, I was in the psychiatric hospital for 6 weeks almost a year before I left him. One of the therapists from the hospital predicted that I was going to start having problems at home because I was starting to stand up for myself again.

Picture a big rubber band. Stomp on that thing and shove it into a corner in the closet. What's gonna happen when that thing's finally set free It's just like all the tension has built up and built up for years and years and it's finally allowed to go free. That rubber band's gonna coming shooting out of that closet like a heat-seeking missile.

Once the tension's been released, it'll find a balance that's not too tight and not too loose. AND, not stomped on or suppressed AT ALL

This is another one of those things that's coming as a lesson. Someone's telling you that you're "hard to get along with" and yet you KNOW that you're "really not hard to get along with". That usually means that there's some sort of conflict going on that's making you show a side of yourself that isn't really YOU -- maybe fear?? maybe pressure?? When situations like that come up, THOSE are the things that you should either sit down and write in your journal about until you figure out what's really going on INSIDE YOU ... or ... sit down in front of a mirror and talk with yourself until you find out what's going on INSIDE YOU that you're having trouble with.

Barbara, you haven't been allowed to move and flow through your life the way that you were meant to. Some steps were missed because you were blocked or prevented from taking the steps or even from learning the steps. Those are things that you're gonna stumble over. But, your INSTINCTS are gonna tell you what you need to do. You just need to back up a little, re-do some steps and go on from there.

You can't fool us, Barbara, we ALL KNOW what kind of a person you really are -- who you really are inside -- because you're our sister. Once you get a chance to practice and re-do the things that you're having trouble with, a lot of this HARD STUFF is going to go away.

I know -- we all know -- that you can do it. Have faith in yourself. And don't take guidance as criticism. Everyone that's in your life now is here to help you move forward. We used to have a woman who called herself "Giraffe" in the old forums. She used to say "put on your giraffe ears" -- that was her way of saying "listen very carefully".

So, try to put the anger and the defensiveness away and listen with giraffe ears to the lessons your teachers are trying to give to you.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb