I believe the kind of shoes he will need, will be the kind where he puts his feet in some kind of molding foamy stuff, and they make a mold of his entire foot. And they will build him a pair of shoes in such a way that it will oft-load his ulcer.

We don't really go anywhere except to Dunkin and to the physical therapist (and I take care of him at home), so he really will be able to keep off that foot.

I have to ask him if he still has to sleep with the boot on. I bet he forgot to ask the doctor that question.

As to my up-beat mood, believe me, I do have my moments.

But they only happen when my son phones, or emails me. Then my whole body falls apart, my feet burn, and my whole being gets all whacked out. That's what toxicity does to me. I have had to learn to DISTANCE myself from this. I CAN do it, but sometimes, memories come flooding back, and thoughts over take you, and I will walk over to Alan and I have this look on my face and I mention my son, and Alan knows what to say.

He reminds me what our son has done, (only takes one minute of reminding), and I get my head cleared and I go "okay, I'm back to normal".

It's like button being switched on. Sometimes the button has to be reminded.

Every few months or so, Alan has to remind me. Then I can switch my mind to where it needs to be switched.

I sincerely believe that co-dependant people need to do this every so often. Our very future depends on it.

We need to remind ourselves that WE MATTER TOO!!!

So I just do it one day at a time. There is always someone way worse off than we are. Some of us have more physical pain, others have more emotional pain.

You have to figure out coping strategies and just do the best that you can do. I find that humor works best for me and Alan. This is not the case for everybody.

But believe me, when I get in that horrible place inside my head and I remember my son's behavior and treatment of us, well, it's not a pretty place to be in.

That's why you guys are so important. I listen, I learn and I do whatever I can do to pay it forward.

I mean, isn't that why we are put on this earth in the first place???