Aww... please don't be embarassed. I admire you for saying how you feel because I have had a lot of the same feelings but I didn't dare talk about them for fear that others would look down on me. I too, have had a hard time being labeled disabled. My labeled disability is ADD. I've only been self supportive for 18 years when was downsized out of my job. When my severance pay ran out, I still hadn't been able to apply for a job or apply for unemployment. Even then, I had to pushed and shoved to apply with the state's rehabilitation services for help. My psychologist kept telling me that we have to work with the "system" to get the help I need. And it is very difficult to get the help you need especially in my case, when I'm not quite sure what it would be. When your disability is mental, it's a hard blow to take. It's like, I don't want to tell anybody THAT!! They'll just think I'm lazy... and I'm not... they'll just think I'm stupid... and I'm not. It must be my fault because I should be able to do this. But the problem was that I couldn't. Do you see what I mean? I think I know you do. It's crushing. It's crushing to my ego and my soul. Eventually, it does come down to acceptance... it comes down to acceptance of who you are, acceptance of where you are and where do you go from here. Try to think of it as taking a step into the future....

I think I will have to print that out and put it in front of my desk.

Oh, and please don't be afraid of getting psychological help, it will help make your life better. And if it's any consolation to you, it's the really crazy ones that don't think there is anything wrong with them.

I hope things get better for you soon. I can't tell you it's going to be easy, but it will eventually. Hang in there, and I hope it helps you to know that you are not alone.

~Hope