Here is something I wrote to someone else. It's strange, it seems to be getting harder instead of easier. But I know it'll be ok. The main thing is, she is now at peace. I wish I could be like the kids and believe she and Steve Irwin's dog Suey are having a blast together with Steve. It's not as easy when you're a grown up. The kids are still doing great - no tears yet. They have heard 'quality is more important than length of life' for as long as they've been around animals (from me).

I told myself if CoCo at least got to live a good long life, I wouldn't grieve. She did, she lived past her life expectancy. The last two weeks were aweful, but that's old age for you. I did what I had to, tried all I could, it didn't work, it was her time.

I remember her eating the heel off of ONE of each of the pair of my work shoes. I remember how she picked me...or actually the other dog I'd gotten the day before (that the vet killed at 2). CoCo was from a litter of 11, I wanted a black standard poodle, she was chocolate but she nonstop gnawed on my other dog (Raz Ma Taz) neck till it was soaked with slobber. He didn't seem to mind, so it was a match.

She was all belley and no legs, unlike the gorgeous athletic long legged dog she became. She had a ball, frisbee and stick OCD, hee hee. She could never eat 'junk food' or she'd puke and get the squirts. I remember her being about 6 months old, and waking me to the sound of her about to hurl - as she stood directly over my face on the bed with her big paws pinning me under the blanket! I remember having the phone wedged between my shoulder and ear as I'd try to run to the door, one pup in each hand both with turds dropping out.

I remember almost the whole first year I had her, she'd flip on her back and pee all over when she'd see me when I'd come home. I thought, "wow, no one's ever been that happy to see me before, I'm blessed!". I remember how incredibly athletic she was, I trained her and Raz well, didn't need a leash to walk them both. My ***** condo (but hey, it was mine!) was across from a forest preserve, so every day we walked in the forest. Once in a while she'd chase deer, gawd, she was the most passive omega dog on the planet until we went outside, then 'the chase' instinct coarsed through her.

I remember the groaning sounds she'd make when I'd rub her ears. How she'd try to look all cool and aloof as she'd watch me eat, with a foot long string of drool hanging from each corner of her mouth. I remember my shock when she growled at Vincent when he was 3 months old, so I started to throw her tennis ball every time I nursed him hoping baby would = fun with the ball in her mind....when I brought Carmen home 1 1/2 years later she saw the baby and dashed and brought her ball back!

She was so smart. I mean, it was unreal how smart she was.

I have nothing but fond memories of her. She was there for me when I had no one at all. She was my ONLY friend or family for some years.

The only time so far that's been hard, is at night. I keep sniffing her stinky comforter over her bed that I kept meaning to wash. It smells like her. Today at the grocery store, I had to remind myself to buy only one chicken, when I came home no one was so happy to see me they peed. Ya know? It's like the every day things, the opening the door to let her out, the checking the water, the saving scraps on my plate.

But you're right, for me the happy memories are what I've focused on. The sad ones, the times I failed her, her attention from me being shaved to so little after the kids...stuff like that is hard to get off my mind, so I have focused on the happy things. Which with her, are in abundance.

I remember 'testing' her once, and bursting into my patio door as if I were a robber or murderer or whatnot, she fled behind the couch and took a poop - my hero!!! She was such a gentle giant, her nickname due to her brown color and tomboy attitude was 'MooseFace'. She outlived our other two dogs.

Anyhow, I'm in no rush to get another. Maybe someday, when (if!) I have no kids to mother, I'll get another. For now, I have 4 hamsters and 6 rats to love up....and a whole zoo full of birds and other critters around here to spoil and enjoy watching them be spoiled.

Well thank you.
Mili

I'll work through it. It's just, she was my ONLY for many years, only friend, only family, I mean as lonely as this aspie was, I can't imagine how it would have been without her to walk with, talk to, play fetch with. I love remembering the good happy things about her. Well, I don't want to post much more, and make everyone nuts here. I know I talk about animals a lot. But animals are my 'people'. If you take one into your home, they deserve at least the basics...clean water, healthy food and enough of it, love and respect. To be cherished. To be content, and sometimes to be a total spaz and dileriously happy (I mean not with invertibrates, they only get so charged but you know what I mean).

Well thank you all that read this, and thank you for the nice words too.

Mili