I talked about 'suicidal ideation' a couple of times.
I was having a long bout with suicidal ideation and still am not sure, exactly, why. But I think mine was a particular stressor in my life at that time. I've been addressing that stressor and think it has helped a lot. But...I could be wrong about the stressor. It could have been a multitude of things.
I was blaming it possibly on my current medication(s). But I've ruled that out now, because I'm not sitting here thinking every day..."I wish I just wasn't here." While wishing that though, I didn't have
a plan to complete it.
If you are having suicidal thoughts and
have a plan of action, you need to stop!

And get help from someone to get through it.
I found this about suicidal ideation.
Quote:
Suicidal ideation is having thoughts of suicide or of taking action to end one's own life. Suicidal ideation includes all thoughts of suicide, both when the thoughts include a plan to commit suicide and when they do not include a plan.
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Lots of different kinds of pain lead to suicide.
I found the following a good read, maybe you will too.
If you are thinking about suicide, read this first.