Be grateful you work for a union. You will have those benifits for a long time. Can you also apply for SSD? I am also one of those that let my job define me and it took me several years to finish my grieving of that. But God has kept me pretty busy. Both my Mom and MIL had a series of small strokes. I don't physically take care of them but they have a lot of needs that would have been very difficult onme if I had been working. Plus being a Grandma is wonderful! Actually I am healthier in retirement than I would be if I were still working. But yes, I would be making more money. But very tired. Good luck.